Oh man, I know you guys will enjoy this one.
Yup. I put coffee in my butt and I LOOK FORWARD TO IT every day.
Cue every and all butt jokes. I’m SO here for it.
But also, hear me out.
Detoxing my body back to its original state (pre moldy apartment years), I’ve discovered certain medicines/activities/products that stick more than others. Rather than result in unwanted side effects over time, coffee enemas have only caused sustained improvement in my wellbeing. Initially, when my doctor encouraged me to consider colonics or coffee enemas alongside my treatment protocol, I nodded in acceptance but noted in my head that I would never do this.
Oh how the times have changed in such a short time.
When I discovered that unfortunately there wasn’t a quick fix for my illness, and that moving out of the environment and letting go of my contaminated items, wasn’t enough, I started frantically grabbing onto any and every option the doctor recommended. I remember sitting in the office and just letting go. “I’ll do whatever I can to feel better…anything.”
I imagine there’s a starting point for everyone, and the intensity of their situation probably parallels the difficulty of that first enema. But, once you get all the clogs out, the enemas run pretty smoothly. Sorry, there’s no better way to say that, really.
What You Need
- Stainless Steel Enema Bucket (like this)
- Jar of Organic Coconut Oil
- Organic, Light Roast Coffee (like this)
- Purified Water
- Stainless Steel Extra Fine Strainer
- Hydrogen Peroxide
- Additive Free Dish Soap (like Seventh Generation)
- Dark-Colored Towels
- Pillow (for comfort) 🙂
- A curious mind…an adventurous soul…willingness to get down n’ dirty…ok, I’ll stop.
To Brew
Boil a quart of purified water. Add 3 tablespoons of coffee to the water to the boiling water. Keep stove on high for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, bring down to medium and let simmer for 15 minutes.
Strain coffee mixture to get any coffee grounds out. Not a huge deal if some stay in there, but it may clog up your enema bucket.
LET COFFEE COOL!
I will only say that once, but the repercussions of not following this simple instruction are HUGE. DO NOT FUNNEL BOILING COFFEE INTO YOUR BUTTHOLE. You may suffer internal burns and just about every horrible thing (I imagine) if you do.
To “Do”
Hang enema bucket above you. The higher the bucket, the faster the stream. So, hang cautiously starting out. Think shower faucet or door handle, then set your towel and pillow (optional) on the ground. You can do your enema in the shower to be extra cautious. I’d probably go this route until you’ve got the hang of things. Leaks may happen, from a variety of sources, but you will get the hang of things after a while and will be a better judge than me of your enema desired enema-taking location.
If using a towel underneath you for comfort, use a dark-colored towel: coffee stains.
Lay on your RIGHT side.
TIP: To stimulate the liver and detoxification my instructions were to take the enema while laying on my right side as well as hold the enema while laying on my right side, but there are different schools of thought on this. The goal is to feel the gallbladder squirt on your right-hand side (it feels like a gurgling). A couple times I’ve gotten up, or turned onto my left side and then back to my right, you will begin to experiment as well. I stay on my right side because the intention of this coffee enema is to aid my body in ridding toxins primarily stored in the liver.
Once in position, use coconut oil to
Next…
Unclip your enema clamp, the more “open” the clamp, the faster the liquid flows. Initially you will yourself, opening and closing the clamp several times so as not to overwhelm your system.
RELAX
Do your best to hold the coffee in for 15 minutes. You may only be able to hold liquid a few minutes at first, it’s all good. You have to start
It’s definitely more painful and overall not fun the first few times. After that, things not only go more smoothly, but you will feel less stressed. It’s all downhill from there.
